If your perfectionism holding you back from success?

From one perfectionist to another, it's not as helpful as you think.

When I got my GCSE results I cried because I got all A* grades except for one A. That A haunted me (and still does to be honest).

I wanted that grade sheet to be PERFECT. It had to be. I'd worked so hard, and I couldn't have missed out on perfection by just a few points.

In my eyes, I'd failed.

In the eyes of my family and friends, I'd achieved something pretty impressive.

This kind of thinking can be powerful in pursuit of success, but it can also be seriously damaging to your wellbeing AND may actually be holding you back from achieving your health goals - whether it be weight loss, improved fitness, or eating a healthy diet.

Problem 1: You can't stay consistent.

If you are a perfectionist, you set big goals for yourself. You want big things, but often these goals are not grounded in realism. Because of that, your risk of experiencing failure is high. Now what happens when a perfectionist fails at something?

You feel like YOU are the failure. You’re embarrassed you retreat, you give up. You didn’t hit your macro targets so what’s the point, you’ve failed, you might as well eat 4 desserts, or you’re not on track to achieve your mileage target for the month so you stop trying and don’t run at all for the last week.

Problem 2: You become obsessed.

Rather than give up when you fail, you might go the other way and become so completely obsessed that your goal becomes a burden. Actually it’s not healthy to keep working towards it because everything else in your life is thrown by the wayside and balance just ceases to exist. Nothing matters except achieving your goal weight, or running the distance, or training every day. You may fall into disordered eating or exercise habits and may be at higher risk of eating disorders. If you are working towards health improvement, this is taking you further from your goals.

How to challenge your perfectionism:

In order to achieve your goals, you have to stay consistent and maintain balance - and to do that you need to challenge your perfectionism.

That starts by setting realistic goals. Have big goals that challenge you but that are actually possible, and consider setting smaller stepping stone goals that help you to focus on progress rather than just the main outcome.

It also involves learning to respond to setbacks and failures in a more helpful way. The best tool for this is self-compassion.

Practice self-compassion

If you’re not familiar with self-compassion, in this context it looks like recognising that failure is inevitable and part of the human experience, and then taking action to overcome the setback.

1. Being kind to yourself rather than judgmental: Notice that inner critic and even talk back to it. When that voice is telling you that YOU are a failure, you can say 'actually, no, I’m not. I’m feeling a bit inadequate right now. I am human, I’m going to make mistakes and I’m trying my best'.

2. Ask, what would be the most helpful course of action? Is throwing in the towel going to get you closer to where you want to be in the long run? How would it feel to embrace imperfection and to keep going? How would it feel to see this as an opportunity to learn and to grow?

Reflect

I also recommend you spend some time reflecting on your perfectionism and how it serves you, so you can be prepared when you next experience those perfectionist thoughts. Here's some questions to get you started:

• How does perfectionism serve you?

• What problems does perfectionism cause for you?

• Was perfectionism encouraged in your family or culture? When you were a child, what happened when you made a mistake or didn’t meet someones expectations? Were you harshly criticised or punished?

• What do you think your perfectionism is trying to protect you from?

• What are you afraid will happen if you remove your perfectionism shield?

• How will your life be better if you can be less perfectionistic?

My clients learn these skills in my 1:1 coaching framework and this is what sets them apart in terms of what they achieve. Practicing these skills mean that you never have to get back on track or start again on Monday, and without those stops and starts you will get to your goals quickly and know be able to uphold your success. To find out more, get in touch or book a free 30 min chat.

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